The Myth of "Having It All": Why the Return-to-Office Mandate Hits Women Hardest

– OPINION PIECE from the lens of a woman (she/her) and professional.

As you likely know, Ontario Premier Doug Ford has mandated that all Ontario Public Service (OPS) employees return to the office full-time, five days a week, starting in January 2026.

I’ve said it before, and I will say it again: I hear you, I feel you, because I am you. While I’m not personally required to return to the office full-time, my practice and personal experience has given me deep appreciation and empathy for those who are. Recently, in my personal and professional life I’ve connected with people—primarily women (although men too)—who are experiencing situational distress related to this call-to-action.

Let's unpack this through the lens of gender and societal expectation.

As a work-from home “crunchy” mom in her bread making era, clients will (and likely have) experienced the chaotic, beautiful reality of my life. Therapy in my home – a multipurpose historical building in the beautiful downtown St. Catharines. The office aromatic of coffee and whatever is cooking in garlic upstairs. You may hear dog barks (or leave with dog hair), hear the pitter-pattering footsteps, or laughter echoing from above. If you use the bathroom, you may spot a penguin figurine next to the hand soap or a pair of toddler briefs peeking over a basket on a shelf, in efforts to conceal that a human family occupies the same public restroom as you. It’s a public space that is unapologetically, multifunctionally my home. 

As a mom, as a professional – I get it. I live this duality. This is the heart of the distress. We were never meant to do it all. Working from home has allowed us to fulfill our natural calling. To take care of the home and the family all while being a respected professional trying to provide for our families.  We were never meant to do this all. Working from home has provided us the opportunity to enact being a woman, being a mother, being a spouse, all while being a successful professional. We can FINALLY feel like we can manage it all by carrying the household and career load.

As mothers and professionals, we were never truly meant to "do it all." Societally, we’ve always been expected to fulfill two contradictory roles:

1. The Nurturer/Caregiver (The Private Sphere)
   Women have historically been the matriarchs and managers of the home, the private sphere, expected to nurture, manage domestic life, and perform the emotional labor of raising a family. This role is deeply ingrained in cultural and social structures.

2. The Provider (The Public Sphere)
   In a commercialist society, the economic need for a two-income household means women are also expected to fully engage in the labor market and public sphere (…often receiving less pay and recognition for this commercial work).

There is a profound grief associated with returning to the office, and it is largely related to identity and control. For a long time (about 5 years to be exact), we finally felt like we were nailing it. It’s not easy working from home, in fact it is more work, and we are managing the impossible equation of successfully negotiating the conflicting demands of being a woman, a mother, a spouse, and a successful professional. Working from home has allowed women to fulfill that deeply ingrained natural calling—to oversee and manage the home—while simultaneously maintaining a respected, necessary professional career. We can finally, for the first time, feel like we were successfully carrying both the household and the career load without constantly sacrificing one or the other.

Taking away the flexibility of working from home doesn't just add a commute; it forces women (men, people) to choose which of their two core roles they must now let crumble. The anxiety isn't about the job; it's about the fear of failing at the domestic load that society still fundamentally expects us to carry.

We are grieving the loss of the time when we finally, truly, felt in control of our homes, the cohesion of our family, our ability to provide, our identity, and our careers.

The return to full-time work mandate has caused significant distress amongst women province-wide, as evidenced by my own experience in personal practice. LADIES (and gentleman)– LISTEN UP! It’s OK to feel panic, it’s OK to feel distress, anxious and depressed about this situation. We know we’ve become more efficient, more effective, and more productive holistically by working from home (baking bread, sending our kids off or raising them from home, maintaining the home – all while delivering exceptional results as respected professionals). There’s a grief (related to identity) associated with returning to the office that is difficult to explain, because for the first time, in a long time …everything was in control.